Stepmoms Rock too!
Not only am I the natural parent of 3 awesome sons, but over the past 16 years I've also been a mother figure to 4 beautiful stepsons. One of which was tragically killed in 2002 by a 2nd offense drunk driver. It's been a tuff go of it since then for many of us, but we are all trying our best to heal.
You know StepMother equales "StepMonster" to many children? Most times the stepmom becomes a mediator for both natural parents to boot. Thus, making her "The enemy". In my case, that's exactly what happened. I somehow got stuck right in the middle of an ongoing war between the pair, and I wasn't experienced enough to get out of it at the time. Boy have I learned a thing or two since then! I really need to stress that it was not easy raising 7 boys. in retrospect, though it was mostly fun & challenging.
I know it's tuff being a stepchild because I was a stepdaughter myself! Trust me it's even tougher being a stepparent because of the stigmatism that goes along with the title. "Step Anything" sounds bad enough to me. Nobody wants to be compared to someone's "Real Mom", because as children, in our minds there is no comparison. Also the little comments like: "I don't have to listen to you, you're not my mom". Yeah, that hurts too. I am soft hearted, but thick skinned, and I usually had an answer ready for like this one: "I'm not trying to take your mom's place, but you do have to listen to me because I'm an adult and I care about you". God it was draining sometimes, but it was important to me that they knew I loved them. It wasn't easy for my own son either because he too became a stepson, but it was easier for me as his natural mother to help him cope with the change. Or at least that's what I tell myself. Who knows? He turned out to be a very loving, respectful person so I must have done something right!
I love kids but they take up 99% of your free time. The only time I had for myself were the 3 nights a week I attended college. I could only study in the late hours of the night because my days were filled with parent/teacher meetings, doctor's appointments, baseball games or things of that nature. It was really difficult after I graduated to juggle, work, kids, & the career but we all made it work. Many of our friends & family members have said: " You both make it look so easy", or " Gosh you've done a great job with all those boys". Those are very rewarding statements. I'm thankful to them for say those things because I think that the power of those words is what's kept me going for as long as I have. Life isn't always what we wish it could be but we have to make the best of any given situation, and live life to the fullest. That's what I've been trying to do my entire life, and so far, so good!
In my opinion all moms rock!.........Especially stepmoms who have a big enough heart to love & raise children that aren't from their own bodies. I take great pride in being a mother. I know I'm not alone on this one, when I say: It's one of the most important jobs in the world!
Lil Mama Sharlene V.
And from an earlier poetry posting...
"Family Ties"
(Raymond J. Vallejo 2-6-86 to 6-23-02)
We've had our share of ups and
downs and still continue to pray
Because our family has been
blessed in countless many ways
Through the good times and the
bad throughout the cold and frost
Our FAMILY TIES are ever binding
so our love is never lost We've
been blessed with many children
Sadly one has passed away His
name was Raymond Vallejo and we
miss him night and day
Not knowing what tomorrow brings We
try to live life right
Heavenly Father please hear our prayers
and pull those strings extra tight!
Copyright 2006 Sharlene Marie Gomez-Vallejo
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